Pokemon 3: Now Spell 'Unown'
So this movie starts inside a p.big mansion, where we see some guy reading an encyclopedia to his kid named Molly to make her fall unconscious in boredom so he can get away and probably go out drinking or something. His kid seems obsessed with this legendary pokemon named Entei that's in the book, and her dad's all, "wtf he's scary, are you a goth or something". Anyway, she tells him to shut up before she calls child services and he gives her a piggy-back ride as they reenact Twilight Princess. Suddenly AOL does that annoying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!" thing and he has to get to work because it's like 1:00 am and he was supposed to start his shift 4 hours ago. Anyway, he puts her to bed and teleports to Egypt.
In Egypt, he defiles some old pyramid and starts playing scrabble with Unown tiles, which despite their name, own him and take him into a parallel dimension...or to the future? It's never explained, but he disappears, the Unown lol and get a triple word score, and his partner laments the fact that he never took the guy's wallet before he left. Sadness all around.
The guy then brings the box that ate his professor back to the mansion to show the little girl, who finds out that she is now an orphan. Not wanting to do what other orphans do (go to Broadway to make an annoying musical), she decides instead to play Bananagrams, wins, and subsequently summons a bunch of useless pokemon to do her bidding. Since everyone's a pansy in the area, no one can defeat the Unowns, who start to spell out obscenities and do that one science project where the water evaporates from sugar water and makes rock candy. The whole mansion becomes a big tasty crystal treat and everyone flees because they're diabetic or allergic to sugar or something. Inside the castle, an Entei appears, holy crap! The little girl uses Mean Look, and so Entei decides to role play her dad since he can't escape anyway.
Back to Palette Town, Ash's mom breaks into Prof. Oak's lab again to continue stalking him, when suddenly Oak learns that his old buddy was taken into Unown territory (pun intended) and his house was foreclosed by crystals. The group decides to go over to this place called Greenfield where this stuff is goin' down.
Meanwhile, Ash and his friends battle a May wanna-be, Ash defeats the opening credits, and the girl decides to try to get them to Greenfield, where she'll probably rob them of organs or something. They walk over a hill and oh my god, is that Greenfield? The whole area looks like some crystal weird flower thing, as a news reporter pops out and says the end of the world is nigh. Eventually Oak shows up, Ash's mom steals Pikachu, and Brock cries over the lack of women present. Then a bulldozer appears out of friggin' nowhere and plows right through the crystal stuff like a Garchomp through the UU tier. However, Molly gets angry that these danged kids are on her yard, makes icicles impale the bulldozer, and expands her boundaries so she can gain 2 more troops each turn.
So then Molly wants a mom because let's face it, dad doesn't cut it, he needs to get a steady job and some morals. Thus, she makes Entei steal Ash's mom because I hear she's got it going on. Ash gets PO'd because now he has to do his own laundry and chases Entei, who's clearly like 5 routes away by now.
Later, Ash and company decide to infiltrate the castle. Team Rocket tries to get inside because they want their own show, but get shot down by Entei's pink love cannon fire. Ash and friends, however, successfully sneak inside because they wore cardboard box disguises. The TV reporters snitch on him, which gets broadcasted to Paraguay, where Charizard is having a fight with his wife. He sees Ash, recalls that he owes him 5 bucks, and flies off to collect.
Ash finally gets inside with TEAMWORK, YAY! Molly decides she wants to be a Pokemon trainer and uses the walk through walls code to get to the group. She first fights Brock as Ash and Misty run away. So Brock uses dumb pokemon except Onix who is clearly the best he has, but since she Rare Candied her Pokesav'd team, she outclassed him, made Brock lose his self-respect, and tracked down Misty to have a girl fight. Molly then turns the world into water, but it's okay because she put the 'unlimited air' code on. Misty fights and loses because Molly's Kingdra did some lame Evasion stuff despite the rules stating it was illegal. Ash gets to the top of the castle, finds his mom, learns from Prof Oak via pokegear that the Unown are screwing with time and space again, and suddenly find himself next to Entei, who is super-pissed that he's not acting in better movie deals than this.
Long story short, Ash sucks at battling and is actually defenestrated, hooray! But then he lands on Charizard, who flies back up to Entei. The two Fire-types duke it out all over the place, but Molly hacked her Entei to give him like 99 PP for all his moves, and so eventually Ash loses AGAIN and Charizard is about to be killed when Molly forgets the button combo to do a good Fatality. Ash's mom uses hypnosis to make Molly stop being a jerk, but then the Unown freak out, probably because of too many family morals and values. Charizard and Pikachu bash their heads off of their barrier for a while and everyone gets threatened by ISoUDs (Icy Spires of Unrelenting Doom). Entei finally hits his limit break and starts burrowing like an angry badger into the Unown. Molly uses that trick where you move the cartridge slightly while it's playing and manages to have Entei defeat the Unown via glitch. The Unown decide to leave because they weren't included in Brawl.
The crystal disappears, the bulldozer guy is fired for breaking his machinery, and the news reports that the incident was a fraud, the little girl wasn't in the castle the whole time (haha Balloon Boy). Anyway, the dad comes back from an Excellent Adventure, has a hangover, and returns home, where he uses alchemy to summon back his wife (from the dead?) for his child. Everyone's happy and the dad gives his daughter a bear cub that will eventually grow up to maul the whole family.
THE END.